Reflections A Stargate Atlantis Story
by potterfan2006
Summary: Rodney Deals with Carson's Death the best way he knows how. Tag for the Epsode Sunday


**Note:** Hi all I am back I know this is one of the first stories that I posted this year and for that I am sorry. I have just been super busy with my First Year in College and now that it is summer time I can take some time off to write. This story was inspired by the episode **Sunday** of Stargate Atlantis so therefore it contains spoilers for that episode. The song that also inspires the story is called **For Good** from the Broadway musical Wicked. I would like to thank once again my Beta and Friend Jessi (krillball60 for all of her hard work on all of my stories and for bearing with me wile i took some time off from writeing while i was at school thanks girl you are the greatest. As always I don't own Stargate Atlantis or the song** For Good** so please don't sue. I have no money. Hope you enjoy my little story. As always please read and review any and all Criticism is welcome.

Until Next time

potterfan2006

**Reflection- A Stargate Atlantis Story**

**by: potterfan2006**

Rodney Mckay was sitting in his room in Atlantis starring into open space. He was sad, no, sad wasn't a strong enough word for what he felt. He felt so alone and he had so much self-hatred. He shook his head. It had been now exactly one month since Carson Beckett had died saving a life. All he could think about was that he should have just gone fishing when Carson had asked him too. Now his best friend was gone because he was too stubborn not to go. Rodney knew that he had to something constructive to help him deal with this. Carson told him to take care of himself and he had been doing just that. Rodney reached down under his bed and pulled out his notebook the one that was full of letters that he had wrote to Carson to help him deal with the grief. Today he started a new letter.

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Sunday 10:45pm

Dear Carson

It has now been a month since I had refused to go fishing with you and it has been a month since that fateful day that you slipped beyond our reach, which you stepped beyond my reach. Carson I miss you so very much. No matter how bad I treated you, you were always there to get though to me when no one else could. You were my first and truest friend. I don't know how I was able to get to this place without you. Since you left no one has been the same. Elizabeth is still struggling with getting up to face the day but she is getting better. John has become more closed off since you left us. Ronan has taken to standing out on the balcony that you used to occupy and just look into the water. He says that he can sense you there and that it helps him to think but I know that he does it because he misses you. You had a friend in the Cave man Carson and he feels the loss just like the rest of us. Teyla on the other hand has begun to put up this strong mask but anybody that knows her knows that she is hurting. I know that she is hurting because often at night I can here her crying in her room right across from mine.

Carson we all miss you and if there was a way that I could bring you back I would. If there was a way that I could take you place I would have. Carson why did you have to leave us here alone? We need you; our little family has not been the same. I have not been the same. I just can't seem to find the passion that I once had for my work and the doctor that took your place, she just isn't the same. She is not as sure as you were. That was your infirmary and it's not the same with out you.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it is because of me that you are not here and everyone is drowning in sadness and sorrow. I know that you don't want me to blame myself for your death; you told me that you did not blame me but guess what I do. If I had just gone fishing you would have still been here. OH WHY DID I NOT GO FISHING WITH YOU? Carson I miss you so much and I want you back but I know I can't and that is what hurts so much. Well I need to go back to reality now. I know it bites but I have too, For the sake of Atlantis. Good bye buddy I will miss you.

Your friend forever

Rodney Mckay

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Rodney put the notebook back in its hiding place and got up go back to the lab to see what he could do to keep his mind off of the dreadful day that he was bound to have. He knew deep down that he had strength to get though the day and every day until that he and Carson met again.

**The End**

**(Or is it?)**


End file.
